I don’t want to be deprecated. I want to feel valued, and not in a way that fades with trends, looks, or status. Those markers don’t last. What I’m actually after is permanence—and the path to permanence is agency aligned with the world.
Agency without alignment risks drifting into a private bubble. Alignment without agency collapses into fragile approval-seeking. So the work is to develop independent reasoning—and then consistently intersect it with reality so it registers, ripples, and matters.
True happiness derives from sustained agency, principled action, and internal alignment—not transient external markers.
I make and share engineering videos—often unfinished, often showing more than explaining. I’ve aimed first at “showing” rather than choosing a target audience. But what I truly want is to do work that matters.
Basic prompts to keep me honest:
What problem am I solving?
Who am I solving it for?
Communicate top‑down. For customers: how does this tool solve their problem? For executives: what are the costs and business outcomes? Do the work until I’m convinced, listen to the world, then iterate again. Be proud of the craft—and brutal with the feedback loop.
Values & vulnerabilities. Two strains run in parallel: what I want, and what can derail me.
My memory tilts hard toward the present—moments overwrite moments. I rebuild my world model from scratch inside whatever state I’m in. That makes simple tasks pass through a judgment filter: a small action inflates into a “who am I?” test. When I doubt the end, the means collapse; tasks are vehicles, not destinations. Desire beats necessity, external pressure, or status goals—unless the task maps onto a principled pursuit.
Underneath is a fear: that my labor and principles won’t materialize into real‑world value. That I’ll be irrelevant—unseen where it matters to me. When that spikes, I sometimes sample validation from peers and acquaintances. Micro‑signals soothe: “I’m not invisible.” But they’re a comfort mechanism, not the real pursuit. I want to be respected—especially by people I respect.
Desires. I reject shallow validation. Momentary admiration is fragile and degrading if my worth depends on a gaze. Wealth is a fallback floor, a way not to vanish if the ceiling goal misses. The ceiling is greatness: principled, agency‑driven impact—durable value. The nightmare is erasure.
What I want is lasting agency. Not a high score or spotlight. I don’t want to live only in my head; I want effort to land in the world—legible to the few whose judgment I prize. I’m not addicted to being the best; I’m addicted to not being erased. My worth lives in the pursuit. Alignment is a journey, not a moment. No pedestal. No magical glory—only iteration toward durable contribution.
Agency. “I don’t want to be forgotten.” Then act from my own reasoning; be agentic. But agency alone can drift from the shared world. So the pursuit must overlap with what the world values. Recognition isn’t the goal, but it is a measure that the work intersects reality.
Why not skip agency and chase recognition directly? Because recognition is conditional and volatile. Tastes shift, attention fades, peers move on. Without agency I’d import best practices and become a follower. With agency I iterate, evolve, and build original structures that become legible to others.
Agency reduces fragility by anchoring value inside principles rather than approval. It doesn’t guarantee permanence, but it makes calcification less likely. That resilience—tested against the world—is the closest thing to permanence I can earn.
Agency = independent reasoning → sharper map of reality → deeper contribution → recognition that lasts longer than attention cycles.
Actions. Logs restore continuity—anchoring past truth outside shifting state. Morning/pre‑task anchors restate the baseline: the pursuit matters more than mood. Avoid the trap of brain‑dead scrolling. Notice when I reach for low‑stakes validation; redirect into shipping, feedback, and iteration.
Satisfaction comes from operating by principles and producing meaningful value in a self‑directed way. Agency lets me feel in control of my mental and physical environment—tied to identity and happiness. And still: I do not want to be deprecated.
Learning #4: How do you make changes in the world? Desire isn’t enough. Knowledge must flow. A worldview coordinates action: “Here’s what we’re doing; here’s why; here’s what’s next.” People work with leaders whose theory feels on to something. Without a clear why, there’s no reason for others to join or invest—and that’s fine. Don’t force it. When the reason crystallizes, so will the team.
Confidence is in constant demand—confidence as a service. When my confidence dips, I look for borrowed agency: movies, exemplars, advice, proximity. Sometimes I substitute distraction for courage. But borrowed agency only points; it cannot substitute for my own action.
Bullying is counterfeit agency—proof‑of‑power inside a tiny chosen frame. So is living to prove doubters wrong: letting others define my horizon. The harder path is private courage: who am I when no one’s watching? The work itself is where fear turns into glory.
Media often sells confidence. Some films help us face reality quietly; others show alternatives so we can bear the present; others model direct confrontation. Different routes to the same service. Tools like health trackers can be proxies for agency—external truth that helps the part of me that wants to face reality actually face it.
Everyone operates on agency. Each day the price of being agentic varies; some days it’s expensive. Pay it. Study how change actually happens. Keep aligning independent reasoning with the shared world, so value becomes durable—if never permanent.
I want durability, not decoration. To avoid erasure, I choose agency and principles, tested in public. No shortcuts. Think, build, ship, listen. Then do it again.
(draft extention) - fun is when you do things