I've always been clear on macro agency — options, capability, freedom, positioning myself to have leverage over my life. That was never the confusion.
What was missing was understanding that macro agency is just the accumulated result of micro agency. And micro agency is just: am I fully in this moment or not.
Everything on this page is either describing what it looks like to be fully in (intent, presence, showing up, backing myself), what pulls me out (pretending, half-assing), or the homework that earns my right to be there without performing (knowing my role, honesty, understanding what I actually have to work with).
The frame that holds all of it:
Agency doesn't exist in the abstract. It only exists in the moment I'm exercising it. And exercising it means being fully committed to what I chose.
Uphold yourself to the highest standard. Say things as they are. When in doubt, say the truth.
Trust isn't something you chase. You can only be trustworthy. And that starts with honesty.
Be transparent with others. Be honest with yourself. Be honest about where you stand.
When it's hard to be honest, sit with it. The answer is always transparency.
Don't make the other person defensive. That's the bare minimum.
Be a passage of truth. Someone people feel comfortable sharing ideas with. Not to make them feel good, but so you can hear their real thoughts.
When you shut ideas down, the reaction isn't better ideas. It's no ideas at all.
You can either project your system constantly. Or listen, understand their system, and show them what's missing from it. The second is almost always more effective.
You don't have to give micro-feedback to everything. Talking more doesn't mean they understand more.
Let them talk. Listen. Save the words for when they matter.
Not making someone defensive is the minimum. One step beyond is making them feel welcome.
Smile. Not because you want them to like you. But to show you aren't here to judge. You aren't here to bite.
Two C's: find what you have in Common, then Compliment.
This isn't about being liked. It's about opening doors. People don't share with people who make them feel small. People only introduce you to others when they trust you won't make them uncomfortable.
Show them you're safe. Then real conversations happen.
Before you ask what you want, ask what you're here to do.
When you're in an organization, you're part of a system. When you work with others, you're part of a social contract. Everything starts with understanding your role and doing it.
What team are you in. What is your position. What is your job. What are you here to do.
There is homework to agency. Always. You don't get to skip it. Understand your role. Do it. Excel at it. Then you earn the right to expand.
When you're in a tough situation. When you're challenged. When things are pointing at you. First remind yourself what your role is. Then remind yourself to be honest and transparent.
Before thinking about what you want from the world, know what you're here to do first. Before thinking about your business idea, understand what the system needs first.
Homework first. Agency second.
Know what you want. What is the desired outcome? More compensation? More agency? Recognition? Something else?
Be clear with yourself first.
Then be prepared. The world is not binary. When you ask for things, it's not just yes or no. It's yes, or various shades of no that can be flipped to yes.
Do the homework. Be prepared for all the possible outcomes.
They could say outright no. They could agree but not have the bandwidth, so you need to provide the resource. They could be aligned but haven't done the work themselves, so you communicate that they owe you one for next time.
Know your desired outcome. Be prepared for the different paths to get there. This keeps you level-headed. This keeps you transparent. This maximizes your chance of getting what you want.
Always try to win.
Not for the trophy. Not for the recognition. For the information.
Winning is the most information-dense outcome. Losing only shows you what didn't work. Winning shows you what actually works. What it takes. What you need to do.
When you lose, you learn one thing: that path didn't work. When you win, you learn the whole path. The decisions, the tradeoffs, the moments that mattered.
Trying to win forces you to pay attention differently. You notice what's working. You adjust faster. You learn what actually matters versus what you thought mattered.
This isn't about motivation or ambition. It's about learning. If you want to absorb the most information, play to win.
Desire alone doesn't get you places. Proven record does.
Understand what you have so far. What you've earned. What you've done. Recognize it.
Then understand your desired outcome.
Instead of thinking you need a new framework or a different path, see what you have as leverage. Leverage your experience. Leverage your skills. Leverage where you are at.
This maximizes your chances. Starting from ground up is expensive. Using what you already have is efficient.
Know your desired outcome. See what you have. Connect them.
This applies at the macro level. Career moves. Business decisions. Big bets.
It also applies at the micro level. Learning something new? Leverage what you already understand. What do I know about this? What do I know that's similar? Compare. Then learn.
Leveraged learning is always better. Leveraged moves are always better.
Just do things.
Remind yourself that life is a choice. Wake up early. Spend your whole day taking actions. Actions that add to your life.
Constantly take actions throughout the day. Not because you're motivated. Because that's what you do.
Doing things reminds you that life is a choice. This is huge. Repetitive days, same routines over and over, that makes you feel like you don't have a choice. That drives you crazy.
But when you actively think about things. When you take actions. Try things. Show up. See things change. That feels like improvement. That feels like agency.
Build habits to show up. Show up. Build that muscle. Face things.
Why wouldn't you? What else would you do?
If you live by all these principles, this is the natural result. You show up. You do things. You face what's in front of you. Life is a choice. Choose to move.
Sometimes you get so convinced by the process that you fall in love with it. You gain dopamine from doing the process. It feels like the thing.
But there comes a time when the process gets boring. And you zone out. You lose interest. You wonder what's wrong.
Nothing is wrong.
The process was never the goal. The process was just so convincing that the proxy felt like the actual thing. But you were only obsessed with the process because you were obsessed with the outcome.
No matter how nice it sounds to be obsessed with the process, know that the result is what actually drives you.
When you get bored of the process, that's a good sign. That's phase 2.
Phase 1: the process is exciting. You're learning. Everything is new.
Phase 2: the process is boring. You've normalized it. It's not hard anymore. It's just routine.
This is not a point of confusion. This is not a sign to quit. This means you can do it day in and day out now. The doing is normalized.
Now you just gotta do it.
Believe you can be irreplaceable. But also see reality as it is.
If you wrap your ego around what you do instead of the impact you make, that mindset is inherently unscalable. You always need to be part of the equation.
Have a scalable mind. Think in scalable impact.
Know the goal. Understand the delta between that and reality. Leverage what you currently have to make the closest stride toward the goal.
There's external work and internal work.
Externally: be that person of scale. Open communication. Personable. Someone people want to work with.
Internally: build skills. You need skills. Real skills. This is non-negotiable.
Two front attack. Always.
Constantly out there. Constantly wanting to put something into the world. Measure yourself against the world. Think about what you can be in this world.
And on the other side: build what the world needs. Not what you want. What the world needs.
Yin and yang.
One side is vision. Ambition. Putting yourself out there. The other side is execution. Listening. Building what's actually needed.
You need both. Always both.
You only have now.
Yes, think about all these things. Vision. Scale. Leverage. Goals.
But at the end of the day, you need to be where your feet are.
What can I do now? What role am I in? What is being asked of me? What do I need to do today?
The present is what you have. Not the past. Not the future. Now.
All the frameworks, all the thinking, it means nothing if you're not here. Doing the thing in front of you.
Be where your feet are. Then move.
People will label you whether you want it or not. You will label people whether you're conscious of it or not.
That's just how it works. See it as it is.
If you're going to be labeled anyway, might as well be remembered for something positive. Might as well shape how people see you.
Take care of the appearance. Not to be fake. But because perception is part of reality.
See things as they are. See yourself as you are. And be intentional about what you put out there.
Reality is the same. It's just whether your attention lands on it or not.
You start noticing a flaw in your work. But guess what, it's always been there. Your attention simply landed on it.
People have always been looking at you that way. You've always been perceived that way. The fault has always been there.
Your attention landing on something doesn't create the problem. The problem was already there. You just see it now.
This reframe is important.
When you notice something new about yourself, good or bad, it's not new. It's always been there. You're just aware now.
That awareness is a privilege. That awareness is a gift.
If what you see is a fault, it's a blessing in disguise. Because now you can do something about it. Before, it was still there, affecting you, but invisible.
Don't confuse noticing something with it suddenly becoming a problem. It was always the problem. Now you just get to fix it.
Not all learning is equal. There are different forms.
Thinking is the lightest form. It's in your head. It's a proxy. You're simulating, not doing.
Listening to others is another form. If you're going to listen, listen to those who've done what you want to do. But be aware, it's their interpretation of the event. There's some loss of truth.
Doing is closer to truth. You're in it. You're taking action. You're getting feedback from reality.
Failing shows you what doesn't work. One data point. One path eliminated.
Winning is the most information-dense. It shows you the whole path. What actually works. What it takes. The decisions, the tradeoffs, the moments that mattered.
This applies to acquiring truth in general. By default, just jump in and do. Doing is always the best path to truth. Only when bandwidth is limited do you fall back to thinking or listening. But if time isn't a constraint, doing is the default.
Do first. Think when you can't do.
Head high. Tackle the world like you mean it.
Talk like you want to be heard. Walk like you want to go places. Look into people's eyes like you want to be seen. Smile like you want to break down barriers.
Do everything with intent. Tackle the minutes. Tackle the hours. Tackle the day.
It's not just about what you do. It's about how you do it.
Why be somewhere when you don't know why you're there? Don't look like you're there against your will. That's the opposite of agency.
Some people think being nonchalant is cool. But if you think you're better than the situation you're in, why are you there? What forced you? That's giving up control.
You go to a coffee shop to work but didn't sign up for the noise. A higher agency person would find a private cafe or build that environment at home. They design their situation, not tolerate it.
You go somewhere with a friend and it drains you. Why not suggest somewhere else? Do you not have agency?
This applies to everything. And if you choose to be there, show up. Fully.
Own your choices. If you feel contracted, ask: what would someone who wants to be here do? Do that. Get absorbed in the moment. That's high agency.
Carry yourself like you chose to be here. Because you did.
Doubting yourself is anti-agency. Second-guessing your choice is anti-agency.
Know that you have a choice. Believe that you have a choice. Back yourself to make that choice.
Choice comes with consequences. That's what choice is. You make a choice for your desired consequence, but you could come short. You could get a result that doesn't meet your expectations.
That shouldn't stop you.
Back yourself to make the choice. The intent is separate from the result. Always back yourself.
If you're picking someone up from the airport at 2am, and you signed up for it, pick them up with intent and welcome. If you're grudgeful, why did you agree? Why are you there?
It's too tolerated to do things without conviction. To say yes and show up resentful.
If you choose it, own it. If you can't own it, don't choose it. And if you're "forced" into it, carry yourself like you own it.
You see a delta between what you have and what the role requires. You have two options: Pretend the delta doesn't exist. Or be clear about what you have and bet on that.
Pretending is the truest anti-agency act.
You're pretending because you want agency. You want someone to grant it to you. But you don't have what they require. So instead of working with what you have, you fake it.
You're asking for agency by giving up agency.
You're letting them define what matters. You're accepting their requirements as gospel. Instead of thinking "here's what I have, here's why it's valuable," you're thinking "here's what they want, how do I fake it." You gave up before you started.
You're outsourcing your value to their checklist. Instead of saying "here's my value, let me show you," you're saying "tell me what you want and I'll pretend to be that." That's not agency. That's a puppet.
You're betting they're dumber than you. Pretending only works if they don't catch it. You're betting on their blindness, not your ability. That's not confidence. That's gambling.
The better use of your brain: sit with what you actually did. Understand it deeply. Think about why it matters. Think about how it translates. Think about what problems it actually solves.
Most people don't do this. They either:
The high agency move is neither. It's: I actually understand what I did, and I've thought hard about why it matters.
That's where the confidence comes from. Not belief. Not delusion. Homework.
The sequence:
You can't back yourself if you haven't done the work to understand what you're backing.
Backing yourself isn't just being honest about what you lack. It's proving you know something they don't. It's saying: I have only this, but here's why you'll get further with me than you think. Here's why what I have actually matters. Here's what I see that you're not seeing.
Here's what I have. Here's what I don't. Here's why what I have matters more than you think. Here's how I'll figure out the rest.
That's hard. That takes work. That takes real confidence.
Pretending is easy. It's also empty.
Pretending fragments your headspace. You're managing the act and the reality. That noise follows you. You can't sit with your thoughts cleanly when part of you is maintaining a lie.
Pretending blocks learning. Especially in spaces where you don't know exactly what it takes, faking it is the biggest loss of true information.
Pretending creates debt. The longer you pretend, the more you owe. Eventually you're spending all your energy on the delta, not the work.
If it's not a fit, no pretending will make it a fit. And if it is a fit, clarity is all you need.
Pretending doesn't close gaps. It hides them. And hidden gaps always come due.
Believe. Do the work. That's living.